she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
