ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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