I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
