you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
