I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
