Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
