you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
