Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
