We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
