I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My life is pants optional.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
