I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
