apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
