He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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