she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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