I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
