so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
