I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
