Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
