Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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