How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
