Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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