just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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