Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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