I swear she didn't look like that last week.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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