I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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