I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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