Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
