Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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