I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
