he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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