Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
