it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
