eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
