I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
organizing the empties. That sober.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize
