tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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