Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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