This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
