i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
