Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
