No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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