Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
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I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
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I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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