Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
