matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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