You smell like stripper and shame
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm way too hungover for life right now
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
