Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
