i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
