The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
