This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
