I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
