what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
