Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
