I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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