A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
