The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
