I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
