this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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