based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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