fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
