do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
