i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
