Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He better not be in your backpack
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
