Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
